Something about the lense we see through

I just finished talking with my roommate Joseph about a lot going on in my life.

The bottom line of what I took away from the conversation was this: My life seems to be constantly defined by what I don't have. I don't have enough time for community, enough money, a more fuel-efficient car, a girlfriend, etc. This is nothing new. When I was in high school, "I don't have the movie the movie I need to complete this or that collection". In college, "I don't have enough time to invest in homeless people".

Well, folks, I've got a roof over my head, a community of people who support me, food to eat, no kids of my own to worry about, and most of all, the promises that God will take care of me.

And what's funny is that as I write this, I can see evidence of this truth being screamed at me from all sides: a blog this morning. Conversations with a neighbor tonight.

It's time to start weeding out the self-pity and planting seeds of thankfulness, gratitude and appreciation.

Good night.

Some things I am learning

So, I had coffee with a new friend this morning, and we talked about organizing and we talked about discipleship. One of the topics we touched on before we had to go our separate ways was my "approach", if you will.

Something I have known for a few years, but probably not spent enough self-examination on, is my "approach". If you know me, you know what I am driving at. If you don't know me well, yet, then what I mean to say is this: I am a very passionate person who tends to sit and wrestle with issues for a long time. It's tough for me to act on an issue until I've thought it through, and usually my convictions run deep and overlap into different facets of my life.

For example: If you read my last post, you saw how confused I am working for a company like 10,000 Villages, which in most of our minds, is clearly a good company to work for. They're Fair Trade, they pay well, they offer good health insurance benefits, etc etc. How could I be conflicted working there?

The fact is that I've bought into some fairly radical (maybe even crazy) theology and social theory, and if you get to know me, it will come out. If it comes out before you know me, it might scare you away. It might even scare you away once you get to know me! Part of that means that I don't want to settle for anything less than holistic, thorough life change and reorientation, and I often forget the small steps that we each take on our journey make up the whole. In 2004, it was a big step of faith for me to say "God, I want to be on your side and be used by you". That led me to reading my Bible on a regular basis, praying, and eventually attending Eastern University.

At Eastern, the small steps took on new dimensions. They entailed rethinking my spending habits, where I spent my time (I went from watching movies and blogging about them constantly to hanging out with homeless folks), and the environmental impacts of my lifestyle. As I look back on the past 4 years of my life, I take those commitments for granted and often forget that my friends have had different sets of life experiences, and I am quick to judge them, slow to seek them out and listen to their stories.

So, now I am in Boston, and I've only been here for 6 weeks. I have a chance to start fresh. I have a chance to ask questions first, to speak more slowly, and to express myself appropriately. Hopefully, I can invite others to be part of the journey without being an exclusivist, or worse yet, an asshole.

I post all of this only to put myself out there (another one of my quirks) in hopes that those of you reading and joining me in the journey can now feel okay with encouraging me when I do well, but moreso, to push me when I forget about where my heart is and where I want my words and actions to be.

May we all be people of grace, who pray for God to open doors of change in our lives and communities, and walk through those doors when He does open them.

-- BC

Something about hope

I don't know about you, but most of the people I hung around with during election season were either opposed opposed to voting and participating in a particular campaign, period, or were really into Barack Obama. One of the things that seemed to appeal was Obama's emphasis on the ability of communities to lift up their heads, see the light at the end of the dark tunnel our nation is apparently in, and begin walking together toward that light hand-in-hand.

I won't lie; I really like that about President Obama. My favorite sociologists and activists are the ones who root their theory and practice in hope. They look around, see the situation for what it is, and don't give you any bullshit about how bad things are. But they also are committed to the belief that there can be a better tomorrow, and the only way to get there is by doing the tough work -- together -- of meeting the challenges that we face.

The biggest problem I have with any of this is that it's not really a Christian way of thinking. It almost is. But, if you believe in the overwhelming reality of the human condition (i.e., sin), then you have to admit that reaching the light at the end of the tunnel is never possible based solely on hard work and determination.

What's missing from this equation is grace. To believe that the sort of message we've been told about hope and possibility is ever attainable without repentance from us and grace from God is to bie into a lie that seems pervasive in the world we find ourselves in.

For example, the prodigal son worked really hard to trudge home after making a lot of mistakes, and he faced his father - probably with some shame, or maybe with sheer selfish desperation - knowing full well that he might not have been let back into the house. Instead, Dad showed him grace and even threw a party for him. That's boundless grace, right there. Dad could have told him to get his sorry ass moving and go back to the pig farm, if he wanted to. But no, that's not the nature of how Dad is. If any of us chose to believe that the happy ending for the son was all because of his own merit, we'd be fools for ignoring the reality of the way in which the story has to work.

Does God honor our hard work? I sure hope so. He encourages us to love our enemies, go out into the wilderness with nothing but the clothes on our back, and conduct miracles in His name by faith. I sure hope He honors that hard work; otherwise, He'll have some explaining to do if I am ever left hanging. Maybe His way of extending grace to us is, when we are at our last straw, providing a way through the problem at hand as a means of teaching us that only He could bring us through in the first place.

I muse on all of this because it is particularly pertinent right now. I've been connecting with a guy recently who struggles with both cocaine addiction and alcoholism. Last night, he told me that "a busy mind makes a free mind", and he clearly meant that if he keeps busy, he's less prone to use and abuse drugs and alcohol. The way he keeps busy is by helping out at the church next door, where I might expect him to show up and receive prayer or some form of handout to help with his condition.

But, no, he recognizes that change can't come by sitting around and twittling your thumbs while waiting for Divine deliverance to happen. And the way in which he keeps busy is by serving others. One of the most broken people I've met (literally, he has plenty of other health issues, too) is allowing Himself to be repaired by serving rather than just receiving service. And, finally, he understands the most important truth of all: that, while he may not see the light of the end of the tunnel now, as Job might not have when everything was taken away from Him, he feels God's presence beside Him as he both proclaims and demonstrates the will to be redeemed. And he knows that, in the end, deliverance is both a possibility and a reality.

A lot of people would look at my friend (who I am intentionally not naming as yet) and say "It would take a miracle for him to change". Well, a miracle implies that the change is at least somewhat dependent on an outside force. I hope and pray for a miracle to happen; what better evidence of God's hand at work than a man healed of addiction and alcoholism, who knows who to give the credit to immediately?

I can't think of anything better than that.